ic inbox | ruby city

[heirdisqualification]

This is the voicemail of Byakuya Togami. Leave your business here, and I'll determine whether or not it's worth my time.

Comments

[heirdisqualification]

I'm also very upset, and I would like very much to not be. How do I stop?

[unholey]

I don't

Know if I should answer that for you. Because stopping these sort of feeling doesn't really make them go away. They're just elsewhere. And turn into something much uglier.

[heirdisqualification]

Oh, you mistake me for someone who isn't used to this kind of thing. Let me make it abundantly clear: I have not felt a single unmodified feeling in a very long time. I have a very ugly pile of ugly things. I know what I'm doing.

But I've never been worried.

[unholey]

I don't know how not to worry. Because I worry all the time about-- everything, I guess?

It's easier to try and list the things I don't worry about.

[heirdisqualification]

Alright. I am not worried about the weather; it doesn't look like a storm so I can leave my clothes outside to dry. I am not worried about the cats; they have been fed for the morning and appear to be doing well as a collective. I am not worried about you. I am not worried about

ah

Fugo, I think I may be worried by more things than previously estimated.

[unholey]

See what I mean? It's a much more efficient method. Make sure to write yourself a note about the laundry, though, it will get dewy if you leave it out after dark.

It's funny, though. Most of the time it doesn't feel like a lot. I don't know if I'm just good at managing concerns or if I've just forgotten what it's like to not worry about things. I can't remember not worrying.

[heirdisqualification]

Already done. I run a tight ship; I'm not going to forget anything as crucial as laundry.

I don't feel anxious. I never feel anxious. Am I supposed to feel anxious when there's this much to worry about? I'm only feeling it now with Lucy, and I don't know why. I want to stop feeling everything. It's inconvenient at best and debilitating at worst. I want it gone.

[unholey]

Okay. That's good. I'm not surprised, but I'm glad it's not a concern.

I don't know. Feelings are stupid. Worrying is always worse when it's about or involves other people, maybe because it's impossible to completely anticipate what they'll do.